Family relationships can be very complicated. Most people experience a strong sense of guilt if they are seriously considering distancing themselves from a close family member, even if it’s for their well-being. But as tough as the choice is, there are a number of reasons that making that hard decision can end up being a good one for both parties.
You can’t choose the family you’re born into, but you certainly have the choice to distance yourself from them if they’re toxic and they’re only causing you pain. No doubt that it’s a difficult decision, but if it’s the only way to keep your sanity, then it may be the right way to handle the situation.
The following are reasons why it’s okay to distance yourself from a bad family relationship.
1) They are only there for you when they need something
When you have a healthy relationship with your family, you will realize very early on in your life that they are there for you through thick and thin, richer or poorer. In fact, they are quick to jump in when you need their help and support. But if your family is only there for you because they need something in return, then it’s worth re-considering if you want them to be a part of your life. What they’ve displayed is conditional love, if it’s even worth calling it that term. Seriously think if you want this type of family relationship in your life.
2) They judge you
This world is full of judgemental people, and it’s normal to face some form of judgment in your life but not from your family. If it’s constructive criticism, then that’s different because they want you to the best person you can be. But if your family judges you to the point of hurting your self-esteem and feelings, it’s best to walk away from that. The people that are supposed to be there for you should lift you up, and not tear you down.
3) They gossip about you
If your family treats you and your life like it’s a drama series to share with anyone and everyone they know, then it’s best not to tell them anything again. Better yet, maybe you should stay away from them entirely. When you share with your family your deepest troubles, and you’re in need of comfort, the least they can do is respect your vulnerability and privacy. Sharing with them is not a ticket to gossip about your life, and you should not tolerate that from them.
4) They’re manipulative
If you notice that one day, your family insults you and the next day they treat you nicely, then that raises a red flag. A healthy relationship with family is supposed to be that: healthy. Your family cannot be mean to you one day and then switch over to the polar opposite. If so, then they’re most likely manipulating you. This kind of treatment happens when they notice that you start stepping away from them and to get you back, then begin to treat you better. It’s so they don’t lose control over you.
5) They gaslight you
Gaslighting is another manipulative tactic to make someone feel powerless, and they question their own perception, memory, and even their sanity. If you witness your family do something wrong, but when they’re confronted, they deny it in an attempt to discredit you, then you’re being gaslighted. When this becomes a constant cycle of trying to make you feel powerless, then maybe it’s time you cut ties with them.
It is not easier to leave your family. But if they have the above habits, then maybe it’s best to leave and stay away from them. Let us know if you could relate to having these kind of family members and how it’s affected you.
This article was originally published on healthy-holistic-living.com