Keeping a marriage afloat can feel complicated and difficult for many couples. In the United States, about 40 to 50 percent of marriages end in , while 57 percent of men admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had, and 74 percent of men admit they’d have an affair if they knew they wouldn’t get caught. “Men don’t leave. They just want it all,” says an article published in Today, in which several women who have relationships with married men comment on how these men “never” leave their wives. Although this does not apply in all cases, it is very common for men not to leave their wives for their lovers. But why?
1. He can be himself
He has known you forever, and no one else knows him as he really is. You give him the opportunity to be authentic, because there’s no part of him you haven’t seen before. With you he, he is comfortable.
“Why would he leave his wife and kids?” says David Wygant from Your Tango, explaining how after being with their girlfriends, che-ating husbands then get to back home to play with his kids and have his wife take care of his home. “It’s the ideal situation for a guy.”
2. He’s looking for a “vacation” from his married life in the affair
Many times, a che-ating husband doesn’t go into an extramarital relationship with the intent to leave behind his family. He looks at the act as something without major consequences – as a simple vacation from his marriage.
“If you have a good relationship with your partner, if there is still love and affection, if he or she is a good parent and they are part of a good family group, cheaters are not necessarily looking for a up when they look for a lover,” said CEO of Victoria Milan, Sigurd Verdal. “They just want to add a bit of passion and adventure back into their lives.”
Of course, these che-ating men are in no way justified for being unfaithful. But in their minds, the situation is not as big a deal as it really is.
3. is very painful
“Why would he put himself and his family through that if he doesn’t have to? You seem happy to see him when he can fit you in, so why would he leave his wife?” Explains Wygant.
Apparently comfort and having the best of both worlds, is one of the biggest reasons relationships continue. is painful, expensive, and emotionally draining. Why would he choose to go through that when he doesn’t have to?
4. Their children
In many cases, unfaithful men stay with their wives so their children can have a “traditional family.” (At least that’s how their minds see it.)
Most cheaters live in a reality that does not exist – a reality in which their bad behavior is totally justified. Common justifications are “I’m not doing anything that most of my buddies don’t do,” or “It’s a man’s biological imperative to have s-ex with as many women as he can. Why should I be any different?” as Psychology Today explains.
5. They still love their wives
It might seem improbable or even impossible, but it’s not. “Some would argue that if a man truly loves his wife, then it would be impossible for him to cheat,” says Madamenoire. “For a number of reasons, I disagree.”
Before you close the idea that infidelity and love can not go together, think about the times that you have done something hurtful to a person you loved. Of course, che-ating is an extreme, but all the same, it’s possible to love someone and still choose to hurt them.